Blood Magic
by ganainm
Summary: Challenge Response. The challenge is as follows: Harry Potter, Snape and Umbridge and the random inclusion of the wordphrase "Well, the bananas were a little ripe..." Warnings for Book Five Spoilers, Slash and Language. Complete
1. One

_A/N: I only own the plot of this story._

Harry Potter sat, looking rather annoyed, at the front of Professor Umbridge's classroom. For the third week in a row he was attending detention.

"Hem hem. Mr Potter. No dawdling! Back to work, or you'll have another fifty sentences and 10 points off!" Dolores Umbridge looked up from her magazine, _Witchy Romance,_ with unveiled irritation.

Harry picked up the quill she had given him. This was no ordinary quill- it wrote in blood- _his_ blood. He was personally of the notion that the professor had a vampire fetish. Keeping that sickening idea to himself, he steeled himself for the pain.

tap tap tap Not thirty seconds later Harry's reverie was interrupted. He looked up and saw Umbridge walking over to one of the dingy windows.

An undescript barn owl flew into the room and stuck out it's leg. The professor unbuckled the strap holding the rolled parchment. As she spread out the letter her face blanched.

"Mmm Mr P potter! That will be enough for tonight, out!" she stuttered.

Harry, not one to take such good fortune for granted, grabbed his satchel and walked quickly out of the room.

Professor Umbridge took one last look at the letter and walked to her fireplace. She looked contemplatively at the irridescent flue powder, sifting a little through her fingers. Seemingly strenghthened, she straightened her shoulders and cleared her throat. Throwing the powder into the flame, she called "Potions Master's Lab!"

Kneeling on the floor, she stuck her head into the fire and looked around. Sneezing, her curly head bobbed.

"Ah, dear _professor._ I see you recieved my little ... note. Have you the item I requested?" Professor Snape intoned silkily, not looking up from the ingredient he was currently adding to a steaming blue-gold liquid.

"Snape, I cannot give you that! You know the prohibitions on blood magic!" Dolores was indignant.

Snape smirked, finally looking up from his cauldron. "I take it you want the Daily Prophet to recieve photos of yourself and your house-elf lover, then?"

Professor Umbridge's mouth dropped. "You ... you ... What? House elf? Are you mad?"

Snape looked up once again, and arching one brow he said, "Perhaps. Perhaps not. Willing to take a chance? Perhaps it might be interesting to see what your precious _minister_ thinks about _inter-species_ relationships- from a first hand perspective."

Umbridge blanched at that statement and her head disappeared from the flames.

Not two moments later a quill and parchment flew out of the fire and smacked the Potions Master in the back of his head.

"Bitch." He groused, looking up once again from his potion. He bent over and picked up the fallen objects. Taking them in hand, he walked across the room to another cauldron. Checking the temperature of the mixture, he noted it's color and texture. The green could be darker, and it could be a bit less thick, but once he added the last ingredient it would likely gain it's proper color and viscosity. Taking the quill and parchment he muttered a spell and tapped it with his wand. All traces of blood left the articles and coalesced into a floating bubble in the air. With perfect precision and concentration Severus directed the mass of blood over the gold cauldron. Dipping his wand slightly he allowed the blood to slowly merge with the verdant liquid.

After it was added, he stirred it twice counterclockwise as the recipe required, and turned down the heat. Turning to walk across the room he was very surprised when he was knocked off his feet by an explosion.

"Fuck." Rolling to his side and pushing up from the floor with his arms and knees he raised himself to his feet. Somewhat dazed, he pushed his potion covered hair out of his face and rubbed the offending liquid out of his eyes. Reaching for his wand, he muttered a quick _Evanesco_ while focusing on himself and assessed the damage. Noting that his other experiments had not been damaged he breathed a sigh of relief. Ever practical, he tried to salvage as much as he could. The headmaster would not be happy to know that his pet project had been ruined.

Luckily, there was enough liquid left in the cauldron to bottle. The headmaster's plan could go ahead. Bloody Potter would never know, and never appreciate it. Not that he had the capacity for appreciation. The things he did for loyalty. Thinking to himself that he was exhibiting much too many Hufflepuff traits recently, he bottled the liquid and set it aside for the next morning.

For now, it was time to sleep.


	2. Two

Chapter 2

The door to the potions classroom slammed open and a weary and annoyed Professor stalked in. "Seeing as though one of you managed to ruin the entire lab yesterday, I think it's time for some revision." Staring pointedly at a quivering Neville Longbottom, Snape flicked his wand at the blackboard. "I want two feet of parchment by the end of class on the interactions between Mugwort and Dragon's Blood. If any of you manage to finish, I won't take points off your miserable hides." Snape walked to his desk and gracefully slunk into his chair.

Surveying the class he noticed something usual- Potter not doing any work. Severus scowled inwardly, thinking, "The boy's a fool to think he can copy off of Granger right in front of me." Deciding to nip it in the bud, he said, "Potter, while I am understandibly fascinating to someone of your ilk, I suggest opening your book rather than staring blankly. Didn't anyone ever tell you that you ought to at least _fake_ intelligence?"

At that statement the entire Gryffindor side of the room glared at their teacher. However, that look was quickly turned to questioning and then horror as they watched what was happening at the front of the classroom.

Harry Potter had run to the front of the room and tackled Snape. Momentarily stunned, the professor was unable to react. Harry started kissing Snape and unbuttoning his robe. Trying to shove the student off him, Snape shouted "Potter, 100 points from Gryffindor for disgusting behavior! Detention for the next month with Filch! Get off me, you dunderhead!"

Unable to remove the quick youth, who was snaking his hand towards his pants, Snape shouted "Out, everyone! OUT!" Everyone ran out, with the exception of Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, who pulled Harry off of the Potions Master.

"Oi, Harry! What the hell?" Ron sputtered. 

Hermione cuffed Ron on the ear and said "Ron, obviously he's been hexed. He can't help it, be supportive! Harry, please come with me, I'll take you to Madame Pomfrey."

"Hermione, I know it must come as a shock, but I'm in love with Severus. I knew as soon as I saw him this morning that I had to show him my my feelings. Look at him, he just needs a bit of love." Harry looked lovingly at the seething potions master.

Ron's mouth dropped. "You're GAY!" he screeched with a look of horror.

Something seemed to dawn on Snape, and a look of disgust tinged understanding crossed his face. "Weasely, Granger, take your _friend_ to Madame Pomfrey."

Hermione gently led a protesting Harry from the room as Ron stood at the front of the classroom gaping like a fish.

"Now, Mr Weasely. Or would you like Gryffindor to lose more points this morning?" Snape looked up from the floor, and Ron was gone.


	3. Three

Chapter Three

"Headmaster, your plan hasn't turned out quite as you'd hoped. I seemed to have slightly ... botched ... the potion." Finally meeting his superior's eyes he looked away in shame.

"Severus, do you have any idea what might have caused such a reaction in Mr. Potter?" Albus Dumbledore looked at the pacing man over his half-moon glasses.

"Well, the bananas _were_ a little ripe..." Severus considered. "I can't think of anything else, unless..." Severus stalked to the fireplace and violently threw flue powder into it, shouting, "Umbridge's Office! Get in here, you foolish moron!"

Surveying the younger man with curiousity Dumbledore raised both brows, but said nothing.

"Hem hem, Severus, that was very rude! Why, hello, Headmaster." Dolores Umbridge brushed soot off of her girlish robes.

"Tell me now, Umbridge. Did you or did you not use that quill on your house elf lover?" Severus said with deceptive calmness.

"House elf lover? You must be spending too much time in that dreary lab inhaling fumes." Umbridge squinted her eyes and looked at Severus, and then shifted her gaze to the Headmaster.

"God only knows why any creature would touch _you._ The fact remains, the only interaction with the potion I was creating that could have caused such a ... horrific outcome ... is the combination of human blood with a non-human counterpart. Seeing as though it was _your_ quill and I've observed Potter coming out of detention alone during the last three weeks- it couldn't have been anyone else. Obviously, it was someone - or some_thing_ that was with you outside of detention. Since I don't imagine you have much of a tolerance for pain- and you seem to be nominally human- it's obviously not _your_ blood." Severus took a deep breath and continued glaring at the now cowering DADA professor.

The Headmaster took this moment to intervene. "Dolores, I know about you and Gedy. I make an effort to be apprised of all happenings in this school. I chose not to intervene since there was no force involved. However, I must know- did Gedy use the quill?"

With tears streaming down her face, Dolores exclaimed "He picked it up, and started playing with it! I would never try to hurt my baby!"

Shuddering, Severus turned to the Headmaster and said "There is nothing to be done. That potion could only be made during the astronomical conditions that were present last night. Those particular conditions won't be around for another five hundred years." Realizing that Umbridge was listening, he stopped.

The Headmaster, taking charge of the situation, said, "Dolores, that will be all. Both Severus and I will keep your confidence." He seemed to reconsider, and added "Also, I will be needing all of your quills. Thank you."

With a sniff she left the room through the flue.

Rolling his eyes at her immaturity, Severus said "The fact remains- her idiocy ruined the only chance we have of severing the boy's link with the Dark Lord."

With a sigh, Dumbledore closed his eyes. "There's nothing to be done, then, but to let it play out as it will." Looking up, he asked, "Will the boy recover?"

Cringing, Severus said "Yes, in a week or so he should be back to ... Normal." Whatever that is, he added silently.

"Fair enough, then. I will have Professor McGonagall tell the Gryffindors that this is the result of Mr. Longbottom's unfortunate accident yesterday. Dragon's blood can have volatile side effects- so Miss Granger shouldn't question it too much. And, we will wait- and hope that Mr. Potter is stronger than we think." Dumbledore took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

Unaccustomed to seeing his mentor in such a state of vulnerability, Severus became uncomfortable. Walking to the door he said "Well, then, I'll ask Minerva to visit you." Taking one look back at the weary old man, he left the room.


End file.
